The Fumbler
by Elliot Pole
Summary: Umjak came out of nowhere, with shaggy and tattered clothes. He doesn't seem to know how to duel well; he doesn't even play anything on his first turn! Is this just a bluff or is he really weak? Find out.


The Fumbler

**The Fumbler**

He was tall and inelegant, and he looked to be about twenty-five, far too old to be hanging out in a joint that catered to high school students. His Duel Disk was shaped oddly, sort of like two trapezoids placed adjacent to each other. It was a strange hue—maroon. Sixteen and seventeen-year-olds stared at the Duel Disk and the owner. His clothes were very shabby and tattered. From his stomach line, people surmised he hadn't eaten in weeks. And when he spoke, it sounded as though he hadn't utilized his voice in years; it cracked heavily.

"Any of you chaps want to duel?"

At first nobody answered. In fact, many of the kids didn't comprehend his speech. But one teen with fiery-red hair strode forward.

"I wouldn't mind a duel, sir. Name's Fred, by the way."

"Pleased to meet you. I'm Umjak."

Fred stared, for the name was so odd. Umjak understood that his name sounded peculiar and said, "My parents hit the random page button on and got my name. I have no idea what it means. So, still want to duel me?"

Fred thought,_ Who ever backed out of a duel because he was afraid of his opponent's _name?_ Unless it were Seto Kaiba or Yugi Mutou. I believe someone actually did duel Yugi, not knowing who he was by appearance, and relinquishing once he discovered the identity of his opponent. But this Umjak isn't intimidating. Probably not even worth mentioning to my girlfriend when I win._

"Of course, Umjak," he said aloud. "But I'm warning you: I'm not easy to defeat."

"Well, a loss is a loss," Umjak said, shrugging. Fred found this odder than the man's name. Umjak was acting as if he had already lost before the duel had even commenced! If Umjak was so sure he'd lose, why on Earth did he request a duel?

But Fred had no time to ponder this further, and besides, he was in game mode, which would barricade all his non-Duel Monster thoughts.

4000/4000

"You go first," Fred said. "I like going second."

"Wise choice, youngster." Umjak drew his card. "I will play nothing this turn. Your move."

Now Fred had no idea what to think. He guessed that Umjak had a rotten hand, with nothing but useless spells this early in the game and high level monsters. If he had had a level 4 or lower monster or a Trap, he would've at least _set _them. But it was no time to heed other's mistakes—supposing this was an error. Umjak wanted a duel and Fred intended to give him one.

"I summon Gemini Elf (1900/900) in attack mode, and have it attack you directly with Twin Magic Circlet!"

Two girls with pointed ears, one blond and the other a brunette, created a circle in the air and waved it toward Umjak.

4000/2100

"I set a face-down, and end my turn."

Umjak drew his card. "I activate Pot of greed, adding two more cards to my hand." Fred stared. Umjak now had nine cards in his Hand. He'd have to play at least three or lose one or more at the end of the turn.

"Activate Spell, Infinite Cards! Now we can hold as many cards in our hands as we desire. I'll set this bad boy here, and end my turn."

The card Umjak had just tossed was vertical, not horizontal. That meant it was either a Spell or a Trap. It could be Mirror Force or Bottomless Trap Hole, for all Fred knew. Of course, in that case, Fred's own face-down would help him.

"I sacrifice Gemini Elf in order to summon Kaiser Glider (2400/2200)!" A golden behemoth with broad wings and a battle demeanor appeared on Fred's side of the Field, as the twins disappeared. "I attack you directly!"

Fred couldn't believe the duel had been that easy. Four-year-olds could play the game better than Umjak. The face-down on Umjak's side remained face-down. Umjak hadn't summoned any monsters to protect him. This had to be the simplest duel ever in the history of the game!

"What the—" Fred started to ask, when the smoke had cleared and Umjak was still standing.

"I'd wager you're wondering why my Life Points are not 0," Umjak said. "I will show you the last card that has entered my Graveyard."

Umjak pressed the eject button on his Duel Disk. Fred saw a brown hairball with protuberant eyes and green pawns. Yugi Mutou had used this card many times. It was Kuriboh.

"Fine!" Fred exclaimed in frustration. He should've realized it wouldn't be that easy. "I end my turn."

After drawing his card, Umjak activated his face-down.

"Not Reckless Greed!" Fred quailed at the familiar sight of a man with large eyes viewing a royal treasure. He feared Umjak was creating some kind of card army in his hand.

"Yes. But I don't see why you should be so worried, Fred. All it means is that I have nine cards in my Hand. And that I can't enter the Draw Phase for the ensuing two turns. In fact, I'm entirely disadvantaged."

Fred highly doubted that, but he decided to keep his cool. What he did find queer, though, was that Umjak spoke quite a bit for someone with a cracked voice.

"I'll set two cards face-down. That concludes my turn."

Again, both were vertical. Fred began to wonder if Umjak had any monsters in his deck. But with two possible traps staring him in the face, he didn't think scoffing would do him any good.

"I summon Don Zaloog!" A brawny warrior with a sword in each hand and purple hair that ran past his shoulders stood next to Fred's dragon. "Then Kaiser Dragon attacks!"

One of Umjak's face-downs went up. Fred's jaw dropped.

"Oops, I'm so clumsy! I seem to have activated my Negate Attack by accident! How foolish of me. I had intended for your attack to go through, but I suppose it's too late now." Umjak said all this very cheerfully.

Fred sighed. "I'll set one face-down and—"

"Not so fast. Before you end your turn, I'd like to activate my other trap. It's a brother of a card I played earlier. Remember it?"

Another Reckless Greed gave Umjak two more cards. Fred's opponent now had nine cards in his hand, and since there had been no Draw Phases between activating this Reckless Greed and the last, on Umjak's third turn from now he'd regain his ability to draw.

"I'll give you control of this duel for now."

"Ah, what the perfect word to use: control. I may not be able to enter my Draw Phase, but I can enter my Standby Phase. And boy do I have a surprise for you! It's a card called Thunderclap. I wonder if you recognize it."

Fred gazed at the art on the card. He had never heard of it. But what shocked him was that it showed Kaiser Glider and Don Zaloog being hit by lightning—_and those were the very two monsters he had on the Field!_

"Judging by your silence, I surmise you have no clue what it does. This is quite the card! It destroys every card on the Field, and you lose 500 Life Points for each one that goes to the Graveyard. Isn't that just dandy?"

Fred watched helplessly as strokes of electricity hit his monsters and his face-down Call of the Haunted and Mirror Wall. Then his Life Points plummeted rapidly."

1500/2100

"That card is broken," Fred said, irritably. "It should be banned."

"No, it isn't. I had to meet certain conditions to activate it. Perfectly fair."

"Tell me what those conditions were," Fred demanded.

"I am under no obligation to do such a thing. I met those conditions and that it what's important. Now, let me proceed with my turn. My Infinite Cards was destroyed when I activated Thunderclap, so I can't hold more than six cards in my hand at once. Since I have eight right now, I only have to use two. Hmmm…I wonder which two I should use."

Fred feared that the game was all over for him. He only had 1500 Life Points remaining, and nothing to protect him. Surely with eight cards in his hand, Umjak could easily take that out? Especially if he had more broken cards…

"You know what? I decided to play three cards instead of two. First I'll summon Guardian of the Throne Room (1650/1600) in attack mode." A yellow robot with four red rockets sticking out of its head stood in front of Umjak. "Then I activate this Spell—oops, not that one! Darn it, I screwed up my Strategy!"

Umjak had activated Shrink. His robot's ATK was cut in half. "Oh, gosh, I am a terrible player, aren't I? Well, Guardian will attack you anyhow."

0675/2100

"I suppose I'll set this card face-down. I goofed, but this card couldn't hurt."

Fred was so thrilled that he survived that turn that he didn't think to activate the Mystical Space Typhoon he had just drawn. He summoned Mechanicalchaser (1850/800), a round robot with large wings and skinny legs, whose colors were grey and yellow. It held a spear threateningly. "Now, attack!"

"Now, now, Fred, buddy—you don't want to go forcing your monster to attack on its birthday," Umjak admonished.

"Umjak, are you mad? These are just ink on cards! They don't have birthdays like people do."

"Oh, I assure you, they do. And I, the more generous of us two, would like to offer your monster a Birthday Present. What do you say?"

At first Fred had no idea what Umjak was gassing about. Comprehension dawned on him when he saw Umjak reaching for his Spell/Trap card slot. "No, we do not accept!" Fred shouted in desperation.

"Be nice now. All I want to do is give Mechanicalchaser a Gift."

"What kind of Gift?" Fred asked, suspiciously.

"The Gift. That's the name of my card—Gift. It's the very same one I gave my monster last turn."

Fred did not understand. The only thing Umjak had done the previous turn—not counting activating a broken card during his Standby Phase—was use Shrink on his own monster, disrupting his chances for a victory. Then he savvied. Umjak's "birthday present" for Mechanicalchaser was to half its ATK. So now a monster with 925 ATK was going to enter a brawl with a rival who had 1650. Fred had already launched his attack, so there was nothing to do to stop it. It was all over.

0000/2100

"Wow, did I win? I never in all my dreams expected this to happen!" Umjak exclaimed with glee.

Thunderclap

Quick-Play Spell

If you have not Normal Summoned, Special Summoned, Flip Summoned, or Set a Monster card within the last three turns, you can activate this card. You can only do this during your Standby Phase, meeting the above condition. Destroy all cards on both sides of the Field and take out 500 of your opponent's Life Points for each card destroyed in this way.

Gift

Quick Play Spell

This card has the same effect on a monster that the last Quick-Play Spell had on a monster. It can be used during the Damage Step if and only if the last Quick-Play Spell could be used during the Damage Step.

"Gift" Rulings: The second monster does not have to be the same monster as the preceeding Quick-Play was used on. If the last Quick-Play used before Gift was something which has no effect on a monster, such as Mystical Space Typhoon, Gift has no effect.


End file.
